The Gift I've Been Given & My Experience Being Present in the 'Recovery Room'

Today I'm starting my day feeling so incredibly grateful for SO many things in my life! I'm so grateful for the gift of my addiction, odd I know. See this video for further clarification on that concept. Keep an eye out in the future for my own personal list of the amazing blessings my 'gift' has given me! Like Stacey Kramer my life is forever altered by the presence of my addiction, though I would not wish it on anyone I would never wish things to have been any different...for ME. When I try to picture my life on another road, other ways I may have learned the things I have, other experiences that might have been able to strengthen me this way/to grow the way I have, another life that would motivate me to give back the way I want to, etc; I am truly at a loss. I can't imagine being capable of any of it without the pieces of the puzzle being exactly as they are!

I'm also feeling incredibly grateful today for the grace of God making it possibly for me to be clean & sober. In my recent high intake of the spiritual/emotional/psychological nutrition I receive from 'the rooms' I am feeling incredibly grounded, centered & motivated! I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to have the fellowship available to me, to have the people in those rooms love & support me, for the acceptance, peace & SOLUTION I find there! The fear of my addiction is removed instantly in this oasis & is manageable when I'm not in a meeting by just simply knowing that it EXISTS!

I am no where NEAR perfect or even close to managing my addiction, but I KNOW it CAN be done! Better than that, I know where to go to get the solution, I have mentors & people who love me who will throw their arms around me & tell me exactly what to do to get there! I cannot express enough gratitude for the blessing this is in my life!

Over the past few days I have thought in almost every meeting that I've been to how incredibly grateful I am to have FINALLY found a place where I fit! My entire life, literally, I have been searching for a peer group that I felt comfortable BEING MYSELF IN! I don't mean to say that I've been looking for other addicts my whole life, I mean that I have NEVER encountered a group of people that I felt like I measured up to, was okay being enough for, even my own family/friends, etc. I have put on different hats & costumes over & over, shaping & molding myself to fit the circumstances/expectations I felt were present. I eventually settled with the drug crowd because the people didn't care about who I was & the drugs made me not care either.

When I walked into my first room since jail on June 14th, 2010 I found my home! I was welcomed with open arms & smiles that so clearly communicated to me that without exception every person in the room had compassion for my situation & a personal understanding of everything I had/could/would experience & feel in life. Emotion overwhelmed me as I took in the hope, love & peace offered to me through each persons willingness to share the message of 'the solution' in their lives. For the first time I believed in myself, the fellowship & knew that through my strengthening my faith in God & my surrender to Him I would be OK! What I've found in the rooms is absolutely magical, staggering!

Without exception someone in that room knows MY story. In sharing their own experiences they tell tell the story of my life, their health & strength standing as a witness to me that I AM OK NOW & CAN ACHIEVE SOBRIETY, THAT I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES, THAT IF I DO AS THEY SAY & AS THEY DO I TOO CAN BE HAPPY AT LAST & KNOW JOY BEYOND WHAT MY WAY HAS EVER BEEN ABLE TO PROVIDE FOR ME!

When I walk into a 'room' I don't put on any hat, I don't think about what to do, what I need to say, how I need to present myself, I just FEEL. I just express (whether I share or its just within my silent prayer) my gratitude that it's there. I thank God for the fellowship & the people in it & know that no matter what there will be others who know where I am, where I have been & believe with all their hearts that I can succeed.

This fellowship is an incredible blessing! It literally is becoming the fuel for my recovery! The desire was my own, but I cannot credit myself for the HOW, that is the program & the grace of God.

Gotta love the energy of a new convert huh? :o) LOL I'm on fire with the spirit of this! A raving lunatic about it, but I was crazy & insane before too so that's nothing new! :)

There are SO many 'gems' & new things I've decided to try to do it's hard sometimes to know where to begin. Slowly but surely I will filter in LOTS of new habits, pieces of my routine, ways of thinking, etc. I'll share them along the way...when I have the time to do so & will definitely post about some of these things, as many as possible & feedback on their impact - like I have done with the meetings. :)

For today I'll share with you a phrase that I tell myself each day & have been using often as my email signature line. Wishing (or praying for in my case) you a blessed, healthy & productive day today & EVERY day! Much Love, Dani