Just For Today...

Several weeks ago, as I was coming out of the fog/depression I was suffering at the time i resolved in my writing to begin to practicing a morning routine of sorts. There were several steps included as part of the routine & all of the items were focused on my being centered, having a clear picture of my goals, a plan of attack for my day & more than anything else what I believed would be a solution for the meltdowns I'd been facing. Since I initially wrote down the plan I have not implemented it well, I'm sorry to say. (I think I read in the Big Book today that the psychopathic alcoholic makes many resolutions, often but never a decision....) Discipline has never been my strong point but I am a FANTASTIC planner - let me know if you need some help sometime! LOL

The other day in a meeting I heard over & over 'one day at a time' in some form or another. I recalled preparing this routine & got after myself for not implementing it. I added a few more things the list of items to do & resolved, again, to begin the practice. Still, no luck. I did however add my 'to-do' list to my practices & successfully wrote that for 2 days this week.

That was an improvement. My life being in shambles as it is I have to 'chunk down' the immense tasks that lay before me! First & foremost I must greet each day with thanks to God for my sobriety & ask humbly to be given the gift of another 24. Then I need to focus on what I CAN for myself.... My to-do list is a complete lined piece of paper front & back. The front represents things I NEED to do, the back is things I would like to do. Instead of taking on this list all at once - which I've been doing for some time, I take out a few items each day to complete. My 'Just for Today' to-do list was born. Taking only small portions of the elephant of a meal in front of me makes it MUCH easier to feel successful as I review my day. It makes it easier to review my progress & make slight changes to my behaviors if necessary.

I also added to the list several points of either my behavior or thought patterns or feelings that I'd like to focus on. I did this because my education has taught me that thoughts become feelings, feelings become beliefs, beliefs produce actions, actions become habits & habits determine my environment which in turn starts the cycle over. If I want to change any of those things I need to change from the feelings/thoughts portion & also the environment portion.

Meetings have provided for the MOST EXCELLENT change of environment & many thoughts/feelings as well. However, refer back to my implementing & disciplining myself to ACTUALLY CHANGE as support for my needing to focus on them continually if I want anything to actually happen. Things that appear on this second part of the list are things like: 'Let Go & Let God', Prayer, Acceptance, Service, Patience, etc.

Again, the habit didn't really get off to a stellar start. :( Early today when I first posted I was going to write this post right away & include the poem 'Just for Today'. You can look up the original text online, it is used as a part of most NA meetings (where I was intoduced to it). Later in my meetings I decided that I would write my own version of 'Just for Today', my personal prayer each day reminding me to be the person I want be, how I want to live my life & MOST IMPORTANTLY the action I need to take in order to live recovery & sustain my sobriety! Tonight I was also writing in the meetings some things that I would like to add to my list of readings I do each day (Serenity Prayer, Third Step Prayer, Seventh Step Prayer, The Lords Prayer, etc).

Below is what is my current 'Just for Today' statement. I use the term current because I expect there will be some changes as I evaluate it's effectiveness & learn new concepts throughout my recovery.

JUST FOR TODAY

Just for today I will surrender my life, my will, and my addiction over to the Lord. I will allow Him to direct my life & lead me in my recovery.

Just for today I will have a program. I will follow it to the best of my ability, humbly accepting my faults & always working to improve on yesterday.

Just for today my thoughts will be on my recovery. I will be mindful of those who love & support me & I will look for opportunities to serve my fellow man. I will remember that my recovery finds its foundation & beginning through service.

Just for today I will express my gratitude for the program, for my sobriety, for those who bless my life, and for my ability to serve.

Just for today I will celebrate my life, my recovery & enjoy my journey. I will be unafraid knowing that if I follow this way I have nothing to fear, just for today.